* I run a private FTD Patient Support Group on Facebook.
The groups for FTD Patients Only and is open to those with a firm
FTD diagnosis. The support group is a place where those with FTD can gather in
a positive environment and realize there not alone. It's also a source of
accurate information which is rare in the quick changing world of FTD. The
director of AFTD, Sharon Denny is a permanent guest member. AFTD has been kind
enough to open up there medical board to answer member questions. Please email
me at howardglickftd@gmail.com to join.
Howard
Been shedding tasks for a while now. Long gone are the days of
checking this blog multiple times a day how many have visited and what
countries there from. How exciting it was reaching milestones of visitors, receiving
all your supportive emails and winning multiple awards. Just realized this blog
reached 150,000 visitors. Felt good turning the tables on an insidious disease
that sucks the life out a person and making myself a vehicle for awareness and
hope to many.
10 years ago FTD entered my life. Forced to leave work on disability
being misdiagnosed as bipolar I just disappeared from the 17+ year career I
had. My career started in NYC and culminated in Seattle. Then I just disappeared. Never returned calls from
friends or associates. My absence was a mystery to many.
Some months ago I was contacted by an old colleague and close friend
Dave Ashcraft who had looked me up on the web. I used to manage a string of
independent dealerships in North America for a Japanese business equipment
manufacturer. Dave is now the VP of of the largest independent dealership in
the country, Witt Company, that has dealerships across the Western US including
Phoenix. A few weeks ago I was contacted by the President and owner of the
company Bill Witt. Bill wanted to come visit me in Phoenix. We met at the
Starbucks I frequent. I worked closely with Bill for years and years. You
couldn't find a fairer, more honest and astute businessman anywhere. He was
also a huge handful to work with. Complicated, but you'd be hard pressed to
find a finer individual.
Bill entered Starbucks and his first words were, "Howard Glick,
the last time I was with you was March 2x, 200x at the Metropolitan Grill in
Seattle. You took me and Gail (wife) out for dinner and bought us a bottle of
Jordan wine. Told us you were sick and had to leave Riso.” Then I was gone.
Bill rehashed mutual colleagues and friends across the country that
I've not thought of in years. Some I remembered, some I didn't. Everyone I used
to know was doing well in one form or another. It was good to hear. Bill also
discussed the years I worked with him. Told me I was the best manufacturers rep
he had from the company I worked for and that I always had his companies
interests in the forefront - even if it caused me to have problems with my
company. I broke down a couple of times. Tried to explain FTD. Tried to explain
how I rarely leave my apt., curse out old ladies without realizing I'm doing
anything wrong, frequently eat spoiled food and make inappropriate sexual
remarks. Also that I now have frequent swallowing/choking issues and balance
issues. Explained how I lost my disability from Unum because I was misdiagnosed
which has me living now on the poverty line. Bill asked about longevity. I sort
of lied and told him I'll be around for a long time. No one has a crystal ball
with FTD, but FTD is marinating nicely and I know my time has become limited at
best. At least I'm hoping to move on soon.
Bill told me if there was an emergency and I needed some financial
help, not to hesitate to call and actually called someone at the company in
front of me to let them know if I called to send out help. I was deeply moved
at the gesture, but anyone who knows me knows that I'd be homeless before I'd
make that call. Bill said he would visit me on his periodic trips in. There are
no words to describe how much Bill's visit meant to me. It's soul shaking what
I've lost since we worked together. Sitting here at Starbucks crying as I type. 10
years ago I had a consistent six figure income, kids, and a woman I was madly
in love.
Yesterday I received an email from Dave Ashcraft from the same company
in Seattle saying he would be visiting me in 4-6 weeks. “You were one of the
best salesman I've ever known”. I'm looking at my schedule and I'm going to
plan on coming down to Phoenix for a long weekend in the next 4 - 6 weeks. I'll
let you know the exact dates."
Was recently contacted by a childhood friend. I haven't seen Peter
Herzog since I left for college 35+ years ago. Peter came from Boca Raton, Fl.
last week to look and possibly move to AZ. Peter's son was amazed how we just
sort of clicked again like many of us NYC Washington Heights alum do. While we
were in the car I pointed to a girl and mentioned what a great ass she had.
Both Peter and his 23 yr. old son berated me that she looked really young. Age
just didn't click, didn't cross my FTD corroded mind. Of course I'm aware now
that she was just a kid and am once again on the edge of tears as I'm
typing.
FTD Cocktail -
1 part Hypersexuality,
1 part No Filter
1 part Apathy
= Inappropriate sexual remarks, comments
and behaviors that the FTD'er is unaware of.
I check out all woman indiscriminately, no matter what the
age. FTD has made me mixture of hypersexuality, no filter - causing
inappropriate remarks and apathy - not caring at the time I make those remarks.
People write to me about there loved ones that aren't aware like I am and how
lucky I am. I'd be a lot luckier if I was dead.
Problems with my neighbors continue with me being the neighborhood
nut. Haven't been in a fight since I was 13, have almost come to blows multiple
times in as many months. Requested from the management that I switch apt. They
said no. Came home to find SWAT in my two story building. The police are always
around. Took away one problem neighbor below me for 1st degree attempted
murder, kidnapping, assault + many other charges. Police interviewed me for an
hour. Heard he's facing life in prison. Guess my apt. community is nice if your
into crack and crazies. The online reviews call it the "Scottsdale Slums." What
can I do, I'm trying to live and stay alive. Pain is constant with frequent
continuous headaches and severe arthritis. Have stomach issues because I
constantly eat what's ever laying around. Don't leave the house much because
I'm me and find myself in a life and death battle with FTD's No. 1 enemy,
depression.
Terri and I split up. Its obvious that I'm declining was getting to rough. I downgraded us to friends. No one can ever find
a more loving, caring and loyal person to be with. Neither of us expected my
health decline to speed up like it has. I'm not selfish enough to put her
through FTD hell. We did have spectacular times while it lasted. I'm constantly
having issues with swallowing/choking as well as recent balance issues that are
getting worse. If I was a horse, I wouldn't be typing right now :-)
I live on the 2nd floor and balance issues are causing it to become
extremely hazardous going up and down the stairs. This has been happening for a
while but realization that I might get hurt is a very scary and real fear. If I
get hurt, I'm finished. Have not one contact of person to call. When I was with
Peter last week I almost got run over because I couldn't manage to get up on
the vehicle we were getting on. It almost backed over me thinking I was inside.
Screams saved me. Don't know how to describe the feel in of having restless leg syndrome from head to toe.
Think I mentioned earlier that I just signed a new lease :-) Yesterday
I went back in and asked them out of it because of my health issue. They are
going to let me know, but know about FTD and that I'm pretty sick. I'm thinking
of moving to a different community where there are a different element of
people. I can't deal with the criminal element, drugs etc. Only problem is my
rent will go from $700 to $900. Can't afford to move and can't afford to stay.
I'm very, very, very frugal with money and am in the negative each month. No
reason to budget since I only have what I have and there is nowhere to cut
back. Will never beg or ask friends for money. For me money is like musical
chairs. When the music stops and there's no seats, game is over and I check
out. Won't go homeless or assisted living route. Don't mind my FTD rant.
Welcome to my world.
Happiness is overrated and I can't remember the last time I was really
happy. Bill Witt and Peter Herzog gave me wonderful reminders and glimpses of
my life gone by. I've had a Life. A wonderful life. No regrets in life. I've 2
wonderful children I rarely see and still have the opportunity to continue on
somehow and do work that will make a difference in peoples lives.
Somehow I'll try and keep carrying on. Will try and keep this blog
going and return to filming for Howards Brain, the FTD documentary that I've
close to 300 FTD hours filmed. Filmed 45 minutes a few weeks ago. First time I
filmed in months. lol This is my first blog in months. Guess I've people out
there, but have never felt so alone in all my life.
FTD causes behavioral issues that are devastating to FTD'ers and the
loved ones around them. Depression and FTD go hand and hand. Many take
anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, antipsychotics etc. to help level the playing
field. I take none. From this you see my highs and lows. Functioning that
permits me to write this blog, run my 2 support groups and do what I do. My
life would be easier flat from mind dulling drugs and there's nothing wrong
with chemical help to make an FTD'ers life easier. But that's not me. I don't
do "easy". Never have, never will.
Been sick a lot lately with my stomach. Just keep eating bad food.
Made tuna at home. Don't know if mayo was bad, tuna left out etc. Was pretty
sick. Of course it was in the fridge and ate it again days later. Same result,
sick again. Often leave food out and eat it days later without
paying attention. I know it's not good, but don't even think or care. Just
hungry and it. Eat out mostly to try and keep from getting sick. Usually cheap
mex etc. Glad I've FTD or I'd think I was losing my mind.
We often hear those with FTD are unaware there's anything wrong with them. People around me still don't realize there's anything wrong with me most of the time. I think :-) Well, FTD has gone from lurking in the recesses of my mind with an invisible attack, to an all out frontal physical assault. Am hoping to bounce back. Almost didn't make it this morning, but an early email from the director of AFTD got me going.
Routine, routine, routine. 7 days away. It's the only way I know to keep going. So hard now. Have been back at Starbucks for about a week now. Have also filmed 1.5 hrs for "Howard's Brain" documentary. Am going to fight like hell and return to my 7/7 - 7 days a week, 7am Starbucks routine. Will do my best to get back to consistent blogging, though I've no clue if..........
On another front, preliminary discussions are now under way for an FTD group home in the Phoenix area. Those with real interest in this please contact me at howardglickftd@gmail.com I'm also going to be the guest speaker at the "Professional Association of Senior Referral Specialists" later this month and this will be one of the topics I will be discussing.
I want to thank everyone that has helped me with your support over the
last years. Your kind communications and financial help has enabled me to do a
few good things in this lifetime. Will try my best to carry on rocking and
rolling.
Howard
Thank you to those that
have sent me letters, gift cards, Starbucks, cash etc. They are deeply
appreciated. I've dedicated my life to FTD awareness and advocacy. I live alone with no caregiver. I'm not starving, but am in the minus everything
month and cannot afford the medical help I need. For those that want to help, there is
a yellow Donation button on right top of the page. You can choose a recurring donation each month of any amount, which I would be eternally grateful for. You can also mail to my address
below with gift cards, checks or cash. All help is deeply appreciated:
Howard Glick
7791 East Osborn Rd. apt.
170E
Scottsdale, AZ 85251
