FTD and Decision Making

Went to Cafe Bunni for a couple of hours and got some work done this morning. Cafe Bunni is nice and quiet till about 9:30 -10am. Then it converts to Bunny Cafe Daycare and I'm so out of there. 

Started heading downtown by subway around 10am. I need a blanket cover and I want to get some cheap picture frames. I have no pics on the walls and I'd like to have my kids and friends up there. Into the the NYC Subway system I vaunted. After two stops I realized I was already out of it and finished for the day. Still, I might be able to find some of these items in Century 21. I then thought about the last time I was there. It was about a year ago. I went there looking for picture frames and a blanket cover. It was also crowded. I shopped for about 30 minutes in the crowded store and left empty handed because of indecisiveness and went home. In fact, I've seen the same exact movie quite a few times going to that same store and now I was about to have a repeat experience. But maybe, just maybe I could get the stuff.

As I sat in the "A" train reality settled in. I got off the train and switched to the other side of the tracks going the other way. 15 minutes later I was texting a friend what happened and texted,  "I hate being F __ing sick". She soon texted back that she remembered me doing the exact same thing last year. She texted, "At least your not getting worse--you had the foresight to turn around this time". Then she texted, "Thinking about it like that actually makes me happy".

I couldn't help but laugh. I texted her that she's warped and I love her. She was right. I know FTD is slowly progressing but I'm dealing with it better and that's half the battle for now.  I'm not nearly as stressed out and going crazy over the FTD symptoms as I was a year ago. Hey, for the moment I'm controlling this strange disease. I've also calmed down quite a bit. I spend most of the time at home alone and don't push myself anymore. The noise, hustle and bustle of the out side world it just to much for me.

If I go to Costco with a little list of exactly what I want it's no problem. I zip through and leave exactly what I came for, if not less. Sometimes I'll see something else I need and pick it up, but 90% of the time I'll leave it in an isle before I get to the cash register. Then of course at the cash register I panic over money and leave some things I came for anyway. At home, it's easier. for half my meals I've GLWD  -"God's Love We Deliver". They come in aluminum containers and I throw it in my mini-oven not knowing what's in it. NO DECISION NECESSARY. 

That's what it's all about. My decision making process is shot. It's amazing that a part of the brain enables us to make decisions and choices. I forgot if that's the Fontal or Temporal lobe, but it's one of the two.

Have thought it out with the part of my brain that works and decided I will go back to Century 21, except I will go early. It opens at 7:45am, so I'll skip McBucks or Bunny and head there when I'm fresh. I really don't know if I'll be able to make decisions even when I'm fresh, but I'm going to give it a shot. 

Life is not boring and I'm happy that I've got this figured out whether it works or not. 

Howard