You Are Not Alone!
* I run a private FTD Patient Support Group on Facebook. The groups for FTD Patients Only and is open to those with a firm FTD diagnosis. The support group is a place where those with FTD can gather in a positive environment and realize there not alone. It's also a source of accurate information which is rare in the quick changing world of FTD. The director of AFTD, Sharon Denny is a permanent guest member. AFTD has been kind enough to open up there medical board to answer member questions. Please email me at howardglickftd@gmail.com to join.
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Really upset last night. Drank a bottle of $2.99 Trader Joe's wine. Hurt someone yesterday and kept having a vision of her face. Was at Starbucks in the afternoon for round 2. Sbux was empty with no line. One of the workers who I to friendly with had her back to me. A little while passed and I made an unnaturally loud Uh, huh. She turned around smiled. When she arrived at the register I told her I told her I shouldn't have called her because I was really enjoying looking at her ass. Can't put into words the hurt and shock on her face. Can't describe the visceral reaction this had on me. This is a young, early 20's elementary school teacher that worked Starbucks as a second job. Rare I use FTD Awareness cards, but pulled one out of my wallet. Explained FTD to her and she understood. Explained I'm sick and not aware what I'm saying is wrong and hurtful when I say it.
The revolving door of FTD symptoms stops when you die. Can't tell you the amount of nights in NYC I awoke, awoke crying. Affected by what I said during the day. Not knowing or recognizing the person saying disturbing things and acting inappropriately. No longer knowing the person that's me. Being awake can be a nightmare. I haven't gotten better since NYC. I'm losing my awareness and getting apathetic. Sitting here numb and in shock. Doing the best I can to live a happy, productive life while I'm losing me to FTD.
Was told by someone that I've just about stopped cursing both in public and in my writings. Yippee. Wasn't aware and couldn't care less.
To die quickly from FTD or slowly from FTD? People tell me I'm lucky. Not feeling so lucky right now.
Heading home now from Starbucks. 9:10am. My day is over. Living this life, writing this blog. Not sure what to think anymore. Just hoping this blog helps further awareness of FTD. That's what it's all about……...
Howard
Thank you to those that have sent me letters, gift cards, Starbucks, cash etc. They are deeply appreciated. I've dedicated my life to FTD awareness and advocacy. I live alone modestly with no caregiver. For those that want to help there is a yellow donation button on top of the page or my address below with gift cards, checks or cash. All help is deeply appreciated:
Howard Glick
7791 East Osborn Rd. apt. 170E
Scottsdale, AZ 85251
Howard, the anguish you feel after one of these events comes across loud and clear in your blog. The need to feel release from our misguided behaviors is actually a bond for people with and without FTD. It seems to me that your writing helps you to take responsibility and move forward which is what we all have to do. Your explanation to the young woman was probably very helpful for her and took a lot of courage on your part. Hang in there!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Richard. I'm good at letting things go within 24hrs. My blogging and sharing events and incidents of my life is done with the purpose of furthering awareness and understanding of what it is to live life with FTD.
DeleteHoward