Monday, June 11, 2012

I'm Aware I Need Awareness Cards


(Forbes FTD series patient profile at the end of article) 
Brandt Henderson

Was with my friend Steve at Costco yesterday and he asked me to give him some of those FTD awareness cards. This was a bit of a shock, but not surprising. FTD awareness cards or “Get out of Trouble Free” cards are available for both patients and people who are in the company of FTD’ers. I’ve always prided myself on carrying the cards and not using them.


FTD AWARENESS CARDS
by AFTD

In fact, I’ve only handed one out once. That was at Staples after berating a cashier for giving me what seemed to be a foot long receipt for a rebate on a ream of paper. The $2 rebate which made a $5 ream of paper $3, was not instantly given at the register. You needed to mail the receipt to corporate with all sorts of information and spend a 45-cent in doing so. Of course they bank on people not sending in for the rebate. I FTD’ed the cashier. Under normal circumstances I would’ve told her to take the ream and Staple it to their “Office Products” butt. Instead I reamed her out about the deceptive rebate advertising, the waste of paper with the foot long receipt, as well as the envelope being sent by me to get the rebate and all they paper being used to send me the $2 check back.


She was upset, so first the first time ever I reached in my wallet and pulled out one of my FTD “get out of trouble free” cards. She looked at it, rolled her eyes and slid it back to me.


Of course the Staples marketing sleaze bags won the battle. I never mailed in the receipt for the rebate. I’m sure they count on that. They will lose the war. I now ignore their advertised specials and shop at Office Depot, or any other office supply store and am no longer be a loyal Staples customer.


I’ve had a few doozies lately. Someone cut in front of me with a car. In most cities the car would’ve stopped, but this is NY so they sped up to make sure I wouldn’t walk in front of it. I had an instant aggressive reaction and spit at the car. This is something I never would’ve done in the past. It’s outside my nature.  Of course as FTD luck would have it, the drivers’ side window was open and the driver got nailed in the face. It just sort of happened. Turned out it was a woman and she was shocked.  Didn’t even faze me. Later it hit me and I was in a bit of shock to say the least. I rarely left the apartment for the next few days.


Seems I’m slowly becoming more “in your face” reactionary aggressive.


Though these incidents worry me, they’re not the norm. I was at a restaurant with a friend Friday night. I told the young waitress how beautiful her moon face was and asked if she was Native American. She told me she was Indian from Honduras.  She told me she was light skinned which was unusual for Honduras. They were mostly very dark. Ah, ha. I found my opening and went into an FTD rant. I told her that since she was light skinned her great, great, great, great grandmother was probably a beautiful Indian woman, who was raped in a village that was pillaged by Christopher Columbus’s New World plunderers. She was now a mutt with a beautiful mixture. We all laughed, had a good time with a free round of wine and beer.


Anyway, these things happen and I start thinking about the future and possibly chemicals or medicines to calm the aggression. The thought of going on those meds so I can be a happy, flatlined zombie smiling douchebag rattles me.  It’s always nice to have a good friend around like Sheila who tells me I need to stay the way I am. It’s easy to listen to the pill pushers.


I’d rather keep the edge and be the apathetic FTD asshole that lovingly raids and breaks up caregiver pity parties by offering to play a violin, while letting them know at least there not slowly dying of FTD. 

As someone with FTD, I demand nothing less than caregivers make the most of life when their FTD’er is gone. That’s their obligation to the one they love, because he or she wants that for them with all their heart and soul. Nothing less is acceptable. I have the same attitude with functioning FTD’ers that they need to live l life as well as they can with purpose and happiness for as long as they can.



(New Forbes FTD series patient profile article) 
Brandt Henderson

Howard

8 comments:

  1. Thank you, Howard. This really made me laugh.
    Donna

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    Replies
    1. I'm glad you laughed. Have a great day.
      Howard

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  2. I'm starting to love my life with frontal lobe damage. I always talked to strangers - it's also an Israeli thing. Now I don't try to stop myself. I get some weird looks, but I also have a lot of great conversations that I would never have had if I stared straight ahead and ignored the people around me. My rule is to say something nice to everyone, as long as it's true. I think people think these things, but don't say them. I told the flight attendant on a very busy flight that I was aware that she was running around like a chicken with her head cut off and that I really appreciated all she did. Besides a 'Bless your little heart!', I also got free drinks for the rest of the flight. Still have a couple of those little bottles because she kept dropping them on my tray table. The Muslim woman across the aisle didn't get her halal meal, and nobody really seemed to care. I spoke up for her -- me, in my distinctive Jewish garb -- and we ended up admiring pictures of each other's kids, talking about how to get kids to speak and not only understand their parents' native languages, and decided that she and I could make peace in the Middle East if her people would get democracy and the men would get the hell out of the way. If I'd kept my mouth shut, it just would have been a long, boring flight. NAFW is a good mantra for the TSA -- although even then, when I thanked the agents for doing a thankless job, I found twice that they'd 'forgotten' to confiscate my Diet Coke. I certainly don't want it to become my mantra in general.

    Anyway, embrace the FTD. Use it for good and not for evil.

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    Replies
    1. Definitely a new perspective. Peace in the middle east through frontal lobe damage. I'm a peacenik and a liberal, but with my FTD I could probably start a war that people would laugh themselves to death when not trying to killing each other.

      Delete
  3. What the world needs now is more humor even if it has a FTD tint to it! What would do without us to rattle the doors?
    Miss D of Florida(some of you will recognize my humor)

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  4. Thank you Miss D. I'd like to FTD you, and I'm not talking about the disease :-)
    Howard

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  5. Caregiver pity parties? How nice Howard!

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    Replies
    1. Yes, I know I'm a party pooper who'd rather wine than whine.
      Howard

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