Sex and FTD'ers. Some FTD'ers lose total interest in sex. Others become hypersexual.
Hypersexuality is a common symptom many of us suffer from. Sort of drives a husband, wife or loved one crazy. Not only do we become sex starved, but our sexual wants and desires come in the way of inappropriate comments, jokes and remarks. Sex in a relationship can also go from normal to nil. Could be FTD or the medications. FTD'ers can become compulsive masturbators or addicted to porn. Hypersexuality will come out from different outlets. Caregivers best leave the safe one's, rather than risk it coming out in an the way of prostitution etc.
I had a healthy sexual relationship before FTD. When I became symptomatic and misdiagnosed as bipolar, the medications shrank my sexual desires to nil. Was sexless for years. Let me rephrase that. Me and my partner were sexless for years. Didn't bother me. I was in a medically induced fog shuffling my feet and drooling on myself according to friends. Up to 17 pills a day will do that to you. One of the many losses in what was an incredible relationship. Lost my soulmate to FTD. Now I have the libido of a 16 year old and a mouth of a drunken sailor. Blessing and a curse.
In the revolving door of smorgasbord FTD symptoms I've been going through the hypersexual one again. It's unfortunately manifesting itself in my emails, groups and messaging.
I can't explain how hard it is not going through things in real time. If I think a girl is beautiful, I tell her. If she's got a great body, I tell her. Doesn't matter if she's married or single. It can be in the way of a sexual connotation, joke or remark. Actually apologized to members of my own FTD Support Group for making passes at some of the members. One wrote me back laughing because she'd made a strong pass at me when she was going through the same thing. I knew it and ignored it back then. Another said she made a pass at me over a year ago. Didn't even know her then, but I remember. I remember she was married and didn't think FTD hypersexuality. Just ignored it.
Have sexual inappropriate remarks flowing freely from my FTD mouth here in Scottsdale, specifically remarks with sexual connotations. Usually remarks about yoga/gym outfits and how bodies fit in them. I'm sorry, but these butt, body conforming outfits of 2013 are to much for man or FTD'er to ignore. There usually younger girls 20's-30's. A remark gets me a smile and some talk or a "cold look" and then ignored if they happen to be sitting next to me. I don't care what I said, I'm just pissed off that I've been silenced and can't banter. Tough for me to be silenced under any circumstances. This is probably justice for me with my FTD.
I carry (click) AFTD -Awareness Cards (get out of jail free cards) for real trouble, but this has yet to happen. AFTD makes specific cards for both FTD'ers and caregivers. I suggest both carry them. I've handed them out of necessity maybe 5-6 times.
Actually handed one out for a different reason just recently. Was on line at Starbucks to get a Hummus plate. Huge line. Finally said fuck this. I was hungry. Just sat down and started eating. While I was eating I was approached by a Starbucks worker about paying. Got up and paid. Handed him my "Awareness" card and told him I've FTD, a rare form of dementia that effects behavior and language. He said, "Oh, you forgot to pay" to which I retorted, "No, just didn't think about it or give a shit. I was hungry and left the line". "That's the disease". I could of expounded how they have six workers behind the counter. One working the line of customers and the other five handling the drive thru. But I was hungry and didn't have time or patience for this bullshit. Sat, ate and went back to my FTD work.
Was talking FTD to an actor and his wife the other night. He was one of the original "Ninja Mutant Turtles". He was about 5'0 tall and his blond nordic wife was about 6'0 tall. He's one of the worlds top karate experts and a hilarious guy. What a wonderful couple. Not sure if he got FTD, but loved my FTD awareness cards and wanted them to hand out.
Lately I've been deeply troubled because I've been making these inappropriate remarks to new applicants and members of my support group. I'm truly sickened by my own actions. Have no idea I'm doing it at the time. Have also been doing it to caregivers. It can be as simple as saying how incredibly beautiful a woman is or how fit she is. To me, "Howard Glick" this is so inappropriate when someone is reaching out for help. I fucking hate I do this and can't stop.
I'm now making this a public apology to all I might've offended. Everyone knows it's the disease and not me.
Have even thought of stepping down from running my support group but that got overwhelmingly rejected by the upper echelon.
There are so many ugly faces to FTD. We with the disease fight, fight and fight the symptoms with or without medications. I take NO meds and fight this battle within my capabilities. Taking mind altering drugs for an altered mind makes no sense to me. My choice and I'd rather live a drug free life and let all of you, see FTD's ugly fucking face ugly uninhibited face. To me FTD stands for: Fuck This Disease!!!
Coined that phrase a while back. Still holds true for many of us FTD patients. We're not operating in real time. Events are happening and our brains aren't really processing what's going on at the time. We then say, act or do something stupid or we default to silence. Later it's the catch up game, when we realize what's happened. That's if we're aware. Some are and some aren't. Usually to late to go back and explain. You also cannot redo history. Things happen and we go deeper into our hole. People don't get us and it's tough even for us to keep up and figure out our actions.
Each of us FTD'ers has a different degree of awareness. For those on the outside looking in, increase your patience and understanding.
Someone I know at Starbucks boyfriend/friend just died. 40ish. Went for basic kidney surgery, went home and died 2 days later from infection due to the surgery. She gave away all his things. I'm happy to have a dinning room table.
Life sucks for all in FTD World, but we're alive and have choices. You can live miserably and depressed about what's happening or you can take charge. "Fuck FTD". Go take a fucked up situation and make the best possible life for me and the people around me. I'm going to fight every single day to make myself a good life.
Happiness doesn't just show up on your doorstep, you have to fight every day for it.