Saturday, September 28, 2013

Sexual Inappropriateness

* I run a private FTD Patient Support Group on Facebook. It is open to those with a firm FTD diagnosis. The support group is a place where those with FTD can gather in a positive environment and realize there not alone. It's also a source of accurate information which is rare in the quick changing world of FTD. The director of AFTD, Sharon Denny is a permanent guest member. AFTD has been kind enough to open up there medical board to answer member questions. Please email me at to join.

Sex and FTD'ers. Some FTD'ers lose total interest in sex. Others become hypersexual. 
Hypersexuality is a common symptom many of us suffer from. Sort of drives a husband, wife or loved one crazy. Not only do we become sex starved, but our sexual wants and desires come in the way of inappropriate comments, jokes and remarks. Sex in a relationship can also go from normal to nil. Could be FTD or the medications. FTD'ers can become compulsive masturbators or addicted to porn. Hypersexuality will come out from different outlets. Caregivers best leave the safe one's, rather than risk it coming out in an the way of prostitution etc.  

I had a healthy sexual relationship before FTD. When I became symptomatic and misdiagnosed as bipolar, the medications shrank my sexual desires to nil. Was sexless for years. Let me rephrase that. Me and my partner were sexless for years. Didn't bother me. I was in a medically induced fog  shuffling my feet and drooling on myself according to friends. Up to 17 pills a day will do that to you. One of the many losses in what was an incredible relationship. Lost my soulmate to FTD. Now I have the libido of a 16 year old and a mouth of a drunken sailor. Blessing and a curse.

In the revolving door of smorgasbord FTD symptoms I've been going through the hypersexual one again. It's unfortunately manifesting itself in my emails, groups and messaging. 

I can't explain how hard it is not going through things in real time. If I think a girl is beautiful, I tell her. If she's got a great body, I tell her. Doesn't matter if she's married or single. It can be in the way of a sexual connotation, joke or remark. Actually apologized to members of my own FTD Support Group for making passes at some of the members. One wrote me back laughing because she'd made a strong pass at me when she was going through the same thing. I knew it and ignored it back then. Another said she made a pass at me over a year ago. Didn't even know her then, but I remember. I remember she was married and didn't think FTD hypersexuality. Just ignored it. 

Have sexual inappropriate remarks flowing freely from my FTD mouth here in Scottsdale, specifically remarks with sexual connotations. Usually remarks about yoga/gym outfits and how bodies fit in them. I'm sorry, but these butt, body conforming outfits of 2013 are to much for man or FTD'er to ignore. There usually younger girls 20's-30's. A remark gets me a smile and some talk or a "cold look" and then ignored if they happen to be sitting next to me. I don't care what I said, I'm just pissed off that I've been silenced and can't banter. Tough for me to be silenced under any circumstances. This is probably justice for me with my FTD. 

I carry  (click) AFTD -Awareness Cards (get out of jail free cards) for real trouble, but this has yet to happen. AFTD makes specific cards for both FTD'ers and caregivers. I suggest both carry them. I've handed them out of necessity maybe 5-6 times. 

Actually handed one out for a different reason just recently. Was on line at Starbucks to get a Hummus plate. Huge line. Finally said fuck this. I was hungry. Just sat down and started eating. While I was eating I was approached by a Starbucks worker about paying. Got up and paid. Handed him my "Awareness" card and told him I've FTD, a rare form of dementia that effects behavior and language. He said, "Oh, you forgot to pay" to which I retorted, "No, just didn't think about it or give a shit. I was hungry and left the line". "That's the disease". I could of  expounded how they have six workers behind the counter. One working the line of customers and the other five handling the drive thru. But I was hungry and didn't have time or patience for this bullshit. Sat, ate and went back to my FTD work.

Was talking FTD to an actor and his wife the other night. He was one of the original "Ninja Mutant Turtles". He was about 5'0 tall and his blond nordic wife was about 6'0 tall. He's one of the worlds top karate experts and a hilarious guy. What a wonderful couple. Not sure if he got FTD, but loved my FTD awareness cards and wanted them to hand out.

Lately I've been deeply troubled because I've been making these inappropriate remarks to new applicants and members of my support group. I'm truly sickened by my own actions. Have no idea I'm doing it at the time. Have also been doing it to caregivers. It can be as simple as saying how incredibly beautiful a woman is or how fit she is. To me, "Howard Glick" this is so inappropriate when someone is reaching out for help. I fucking hate I do this and can't stop. 

I'm now making this a public apology to all I might've offended. Everyone knows it's the disease and not me.

Have even thought of stepping down from running my support group but that got overwhelmingly rejected by the upper echelon.

There are so many ugly faces to FTD. We with the disease fight, fight and fight the symptoms with or without medications. I take NO meds and fight this battle within my capabilities. Taking mind altering drugs for an altered mind makes no sense to me. My choice and I'd rather live a drug free life and let all of you, see FTD's ugly fucking face ugly uninhibited face. To me FTD stands for: Fuck This Disease!!!

"I'm aware that I'm not aware"

Coined that phrase a while back. Still holds true for many of us FTD patients. We're not operating in real time. Events are happening and our brains aren't really processing what's going on at the time. We then say, act or do something stupid or we default to silence. Later it's the catch up game, when we realize what's happened. That's if we're aware. Some are and some aren't. Usually to late to go back and explain. You also cannot redo history. Things happen and we go deeper into our hole. People don't get us and it's tough even for us to keep up and figure out our actions.

Each of us FTD'ers has a different degree of awareness. For those on the outside looking in, increase your patience and understanding. 

Someone I know at Starbucks boyfriend/friend just died. 40ish. Went for basic kidney surgery, went home and died 2 days later from infection due to the surgery. She gave away all his things. I'm happy to have a dinning room table.

Life sucks for all in FTD World, but we're alive and have choices. You can live miserably and depressed about what's happening or you can take charge. "Fuck FTD". Go take a fucked up situation and make the best possible life for me and the people around me. I'm going to fight every single day to make myself a good life.

Happiness doesn't just show up on your doorstep, you have to fight every day for it.



  1. nice. and nice table and chairs too!

  2. well poop happens Howard--my brother has NO sex drive at all--probly the drugs--but yes FUCK THE DISEASE-you suck FTD!!

  3. Hi Howard

    I just read enjoyed your latest blog about sexual inappropriateness ; I too have been afflicted with similar circumstances. Last summer I came across an old pair of binoculars I hadn't used for years. Since we live on the lake,I walked down to the beach and was viewing the sites. Somebody got creeped out and called the police who came down and informed me that it was not a good idea to be on the beach with my binoculars. They didn't build teenagers like that in my day. I wish I wish I had been carrying those AFTD awareness cards.

    I also agree with your comments about making choices. I need to go to FTD oriented adult day care center three days a week. I was not very happy initially with this but now I have started a men's group where the men,who are outnumbered by the women 33 to 13,can discuss their concerns, feelings and what the disease is doing to them. This is been well received and I am told that the staff and management of the center are very pleased with my efforts. Maybe they'll offer me a counseling position; then I can say I'm not only a client, I'm also a director. LOL


  4. I am really riveted by your blog Howard; I think you are an inspiration to everyone - your dogged determination to not let this monster get the better of you is mind-blowing (please excuse the pun). as for the sexual inappropriateness ..... speaking as a female it happens all the time, and I am sure not all of the comments and gestures are from FTD sufferers.

  5. Howard, there is a fine line in terms of appropriateness, but political correctness has also gone too far. A sincere expression of the fact that you find a person attractive can make someone's day -- especially for those of us who are on the wrong side of 30. Your friends should understand and will redirect you or discuss it with you later if you go too far.

    Which gift cards can you use in your area, when you want to take Myles and Chelsea out when they come to visit? I think that car gives you a lot of points already. Let Chelsea drive it, and you won't even have to worry about taking her out that week.

    1. Hi Karen,
      The car is a manual and Chelsea can't drive a stick. Will teach her though. My poor clutch. No longer have credit cards or points. Went away with the FTD bankruptcy.
      Nice to hear from you,


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