When I first got diagnosed 3 years ago in NYC they sent me to social services to get help. The place I was sent to by NY Hospital was filled with drug addicts etc. I met with a shrink and told him I had FTD. Told me there was nothing they could do for me. He confided if I was a drug addict or had Aids there was plenty of help, but not for what I have. Told him I was going to go back to the waiting room, cop some dope and get high so I could get some help. He turned stone face. Then I smiled and he realized I was kidding. Point made, I left. One of the reasons I'm an FTD advocate and started the FTD Patient Support Group.
Someone asked me if I want to get food delivery like I had in NYC. Wow, I'm so far removed from GLWD - God's Love We Deliver. They were exactly what I needed then. Not now, I'll fend for myself. I appreciate the wonderful services of GLWD I've had in the past and what they do for others, I don't need that now. I'm in a different place. I've lost 12 pounds since I left NYC. Feel great and have another 45 lbs to go.
One good milk, one sour. Didn't realize the old milk was bad till I bought the new one. Tasted the difference with morning cheerios and my stomach cramps and runs went away. Thought I had a mild stomach virus. Bought blue cheese for salad. Threw the salad out last week because it went bad. Didn't have dressing. Now have dressing and no salad. No salad because I couldn't decide what to buy at the store. What a screwball FTD life I'm living. Have 2 hot peppers in the fridge. For my cheap, heaven tasting Mexican. Only problem is I'm busting my ass trying to eat healthy so Mex is 86'ed. Peppers going bad.
I'm smiling more now than I have in years. FTD can hang out, but Howard rules. People have been engaging me more frequently now. My energy is more positive like it used to be and people are attracted to it. (greedy parasites)
Hey I've cheerios and milk. Sometimes for both breakfast and dinner. If I can't decide on dinner, cheerios. Probably 10 cents a meal. Better than pizza. Eating salads at the Chop Shop and feeling healthy.
Spoke with the filmmaker of Howard's Brain, It is what it is and West Wing yesterday. We've filmed over 250+ hours in close to 2 years. 4-5 terabytes. I asked him if he noticed a difference in me since we began filming. Joe Becker has been following me on film like a reality show. He told me he has seen a significant decline in me since we started filming.. That was a bit of a shocker. I know I've taken a bit hit with the move but, but, but.... Big fucking deal, so what. I'm living and loving life. It's my life, my choices. Baby, I've got a long way to go. This ain't no Wizard of Oz, "Help me I'm melting." This is Howard Glick FTD. Yes, I'm breaking down, but I will continue to smash barriers, overcome and flobbigate for many a year to come.
My FTD Brain is taking in a whole new city, apartment, way of life, desert weather, roads, restaurants, docs. Point is my brain is working overtime and I'm tired quicker. I'm tired now. Yet I stick to my fucking guns, get out, blog, don't isolate myself and get my FTD shit done. Stuff is slipping but my core stuff that needs to get done for me to be me, is getting done.
Things are really rough for me, but I love the life I have and I'm going to continue to live it my way. Am I burning myself out? If so, this is the way to go. Out in flames baby!
I've met more cops here than my whole life put together. I've heard nightmare stories about Scottsdale's Police Force. Totally untrue. Then again, I'm one of the good guys.
Was in Starbucks and a cop came in and asked out loud if someone owned the Mini Cooper outside. Raised my hand. Guilty as charged. Turned out I forgot to hang my blue disabled placard on the rear view mirror. I told him I've a rare form of dementia FTD with some memory impairment. Told him I also forgot to put the sticker on my plate and threw it out by accident. We talked for almost a half hour (me 90%) . Another FTD Awarebee created. He was really attentive and actually took some notes to look up on line (made my day, awareness slut that I am). The usual, Googling Howard FTD gets him to "Howard's Brain trailer", Blog, Forbes and the rest of the shit. ****** One of the Starbucks workers just came to my chair and she gave my head a big hug. Life is fucking beautiful ***** The cop was so nice, forgot his name. Anyone says anything bad about Scottsdale PD, I'll FTD there ass. He gathered all my papers, blue placard, wrote something down and suggested I go to DMV 5 minutes down the road.
Arrived at DMV with all the crap in my hands and went to the desk. Information screening desk had the usual line. I expected the 1 hour plus wait after I got a number. Got to information lady and gave her all the junk. Told her I need a new sticker and placard. She gave me a number and continued to go through the shit the cop organized. She then asked me for my number back. She then gave me a new number. Okay, whatever. At DMV I'm in NAFW (Not A Fucking Word) mode. Especially after my Homeland Security DMV ordeal. I sat and one minute later they called my number to go to Station "2". I literally just sat down. Everyone seated around me stared. I stood up with my shit, smiled and said, "FTD".
Arrived at station "2". Lady 2 took all the paperwork. I tried to explain, FTD rare dementia, memory and forgetting Blue Hanger blah, blah. Not looking up she put her hand up in a halt (shut the fuck up) sign - NAFW. She had all these little pins on a lanyard around her neck. Of course I was looking at the pins when her eyes snapped up. Shit, "I was looking at the pins" then said, "as well". Busted and a dead I thought, sheepish look on my FTD laden face. She smiled and said she didn't have any jewelry so she decorated with pins. We talked 'pins' for a little while and "2" put her head down. A couple of minutes later to my surprise she put a new plate in front of me. Clang. Thought I was getting a new Blue Hanger and Plate Sticker. It had a wheelchair symbol on the license plate. I was in shock. I declared, "Handicap Plate, do I need that". She raised her eyebrows. "You need that" "2" declared". NAFW! Deep breath by Howard FTD. Here are Arizona blue placards for when your in other cars, showed me a new sticker for the plate and all the other paperwork. Spoke parting pin trinket words and I left in shock. Handicap plates, but I'm not handicapped, I've FTD. Staring at it on the way to the car I was nodding saying under my breath yea, yea, yea.
Reality to my "aware that I'm unaware self". FTD'ed myself. Yes, I need it. I still will park in a normal spot if there's one next to the front of where I am or next to the handicap spot. There are people with mobility problems. Me, well I have FTD and yes, I am unfortunately disabled.
BTW - A Starbuckee asked for a ride in my Mini. Drove around for about 10 minutes. Loved it and told me I was an amazing driver how I handled the stick and turns. Love that car and drive 3 mph under the speed limit at all times. Advice from another of Scottsdale's Finest.