Had to cancel my sons visit from Seattle last night. Just not enough money for airfare and expenses. He is 14 and needs me at this stage in his life. Funny that I have to grasp for feelings and think feelings through to make sure I have and show them. Sometimes there foreign and sometimes closer to home. There's always Christmas. Slept only 1 1/2 hours last night but so what. I made sure I made it here to Starbucks for a few hours in the morning. I somehow keep having to convince myself I have a good life and have to fight to be happy and productive. I'll never give up.