Thursday, June 27, 2013

FTD Travel Adventures

Going on my second day in Arizona. So far the trip has been going according to FTD style. Drove a friend crazy who was offering to give me a ride to the airport. I told her I would take a bus, then a lift from her, then bus, her, bus, her. Probably changed my partially deleted mind 8-10 times in 12 hrs. Even once in the car I told her to cut a bus off and I'd take it so she wouldn't hit traffic. She drove me halfway to the airport and I took the airport bus from there. When I move from NYC, there will be people that miss me, but many be snickering quietly, "poor Arizona bastards. They have no idea what there in for. Howard FTD is now your problem :-)"

Hey, no one will ever die of boredom being around me.

Well, got off the bus at the wrong Terminal at the airport. I've no idea how. That's a first. airports and air travel are 2nd nature to me. These days I build in hours of extra time for self caused events, so this didn't phase me. Didn't go into stress/anger mode, but was annoyed. Grabbed the airport shuttle van. I realized this was a good time to go into NAFW Mantra mode (Not a Fucking Word) till I arrived in Phoenix. My friend Gary reminds me of NAFW before every trip. God Bless Canada. Bored shuttle driver boy wanted small talk about how people go the wrong terminal. I ignored him rather than FTD him.

Once on board we sat and sat. 30 minutes later the Captain announced we were experiencing a "Performance" delay and it would hopefully be rectified soon. I turned to the person next to and said "performance delay, in other words we have a broken ship which there trying to fix so we don't crash and ruin everyone's day. Performance Delay -give me a fucking break. My seat mate of course was thrilled to have me next to him. We took off an hour later. 

My flight to Phoenix was via Minneapolis. Of course one delay creates another so as I landed I realized the Phoenix flight started boarding 20 minutes earlier. The captain announced that everyone should stay seated and those with connecting flights should get off first. Of course when we got to the gate everyone stood up at once. I wanted to catch the that flight, but wasn't panicking. Had no pressing business in Phoenix so I'd grab the next flight. "Performance Delay" - Kiss my FTD .....

I bolted off the plane practically running over Delta girl and looked up at a monitor. My Phoenix flight was at Gate F10. I turned towards Delta girl and asked hurriedly, "Where's F10, I'm late for my Phoenix connector." Delta girl smiled and said, "Your at F10, this is like winning a lottery, your really lucky". I looked behind me and sure enough my NY flight was the connector to Phoenix. Wow, I looked at Delta girl, "If I was really lucky I'd meet someone tonight in Phoenix and have great sex. She gave me a shocked, laughing, blushing look. Then a remark about my inappropriateness. Oops, FTD'ed it. I was now laughing and sighing at Howard and looked laughingly at Delta girl and asked eyebrows lifted if she was heading to Phoenix. No. working the Phoenix Gate. We talked FTD for 15 minutes and we later rehashed the incident on Film for "Howard's Brain" as I reboarded my Phoenix bound jet. Her final words was that she was going to Google "Howard FTD" when she got home. One more tiny step for FTD awareness.

Arrived at Phoenix and went to Payless Rent a Car for my $11.00 a day rental. Of course I knew after taxes and BS it would be about $20+ a day. Payless boy asked if I wanted additional coverage. No thanks. He then told me I needed it because I had a debit card. Last year I paid $8ish a day extra at Enterprise so this wasn't a surprise. Payless boy told me it would be an additional $40 a day. NAFW mode was now history. "Talk about getting fucked up the...... by Payless. You reel me in at $11 a day and now we're in the $60's." Payless boy immediately chopped it down by $25 a day and on it went. Finally got to the car and of course realized there was no way I was going to drive. FTD driving rules are in effect. Checked the car out and the seat was way to high. I signaled another Payless kid. He told me everyone has that problem. Showed me a pump lever you had to pump up and down for the seat to go up or down. Told him it was like my penile pump at home. He cracked up. ( I needed a medicinal prescribed penile pump last year after prostate cancer surgery).

I sat for about 45 minutes leveling myself. FTD driving rules in effect. I'm an excellent driver, but as with any disability special precautions must be taken. I never drive when I'm the least bit upset. Cell phone off. Radio off if I'm not familiar with the area. I know many with FTD that drive and many that no longer drive. I do drive a stick in NYC every few weeks so my skills are current and I've had someone driving with me.

I visited an incredible assisted living facility here in Phoenix yesterday that had 5 acres of beautifully manicured grounds for it's residents, including FTD'ers. Lisa O'toole gave me a wonderful tour and I met with the staff at length. I was o...... to be continued.

Need to cut this short. The cool off Misting system just went on. 108 degrees yesterday. Didn't phase me. There is a difference between humidity and dry heat. stick in NYC every few weeks so my skills are current.

Need to cut this short. The cool off Misting system just went on. 108 degrees yesterday. Didn't phase me. There is a difference between humidity and dry heat.

Scottsdale, AZ Starbucks and the evil misting 

New York City


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