Sunday, November 11, 2012

FTD: "Which child would you like......

"Which child would you like the airplane ticket for?" 
A simple question that threw my whole world off kilter.

I've been lucky enough have a charitable person and an organization offer to fly each of my children to NYC for the upcoming Winter Break. At first I was going to fly to Seattle with the generosity of my friend Tamara's Frequent Flier miles. I booked the ticket and was immediately reminded by many who love me the difficulty I've had on long trips over the last year. Not only being there was difficult, it actually took over a month for me to recover and get back to normal in NYC. My friends were shocked that I booked it without telling anyone. That's because I forgot the extreme difficulties of when I was away. 

After all, there's nothing wrong with me. A true feeling most of us with FTD have.

Then it came back to me. The day and a half I was in full panic because I thought I lost my backpack. I didn't sleep at night thinking of where I might of left it. I also went back and forth to the car 5+ times checking to make sure I didn't leave it there. Turned out my friend moved it off the designated "Howard Glick Backpack Chair" because he wanted to sit there. He moved it about 5 feet. Off course he had no idea. Then there was the "Enterprise" car rental debacle where in the end they actually gave me the car for about $45 for the week in order to make me happy so I wouldn't make it the worst day of there lives. The list could go on.  I had a wonderful time seeing my kids but it wasn't an easy trip.

Funny, most people with FTD have a difficult time with the airports, flying, hotels etc. That part of traveling is like cruise control for me. I guess years of 120 flights a year make that part of traveling easy. I stick with  my traveling mantra, NAFW - "Not a F__ing Word" and that keeps me out of trouble.

Okay back to the present. I've been trying to organize plane tickets for the last week+.... Everything was going around and around in my head trying to figure how to organize getting everything coordinated for the kids. My ability to multitask and organize is in really bad shape now. I just can't put things together. For many of us with FTD this is usually one of the first symptoms that affect us in our occupations. This was a difficulty for me when I first started showing symptoms, but now it's paralyzing.

I was in the office of the organization that was giving me one of the tickets. They had all the paperwork that needed to be filled out in front of them. I figured I had all the bases such as dates etc. done and was ready for anything. The first question threw me had me sitting there staring not knowing what to say. It was a killer. "Which child would you like the airplane ticket for?" the woman asked. I just sat there not having any idea of which to pick and couldn't answer. My mind was a turbulent mess trying to think of if it mattered who got what ticket and if I screwed up. So I just sat there in an uncomfortable silence and finally blurted out my daughters name. 

I felt so helpless sitting there not being able to answer or figure out a basic question. 

But for now, I've been able to write for the first time since this ticket debacle started.

Keep on Truckin.


*For those of you that have a firm diagnosis of FTD. I run an online support group. To join the FTD Patient Support Group, you will find instructions on the upper right hand side under links. 


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