How people handle disease is how they handle life. Life is the ultimate curveball and FTD is the pitch. I like how the previous line sounds even if I haven't a clue if it makes sense.
Last week I wrote about the sneaker incident. I bought sneakers 2 sizes to small. Didn't pay attention nor care at the time of purchase. Just wanted to get back to my writing at Starbucks. Wore them for three weeks in extreme pain. Spent a ridiculous amount of hours buying bandaids and scheduling when to put them on, adjusting the laces and even figuring how best to walk so they didn't hurt me. My reasoning and judgement are off. Didn't think at all that there was a size or fit problem.
I tried on the sneakers and took a couple of steps, paid and left. It wasn't impulsiveness as much as bad judgement. Should've walked a bit, checked the toes etc. When I returned them I was shocked when the sales guy pointed out my feet were busting out of them. The cost was $50. I've had the new ones on for days now and it's so nice not to be in pain. I would've limped around in those shoes till they were worn out I was bed bound. I'm not looking after myself the way I should. Right now my feet are perfectly fine, but typing has me in pain that would cause any normal person to stop immediately. I have slowed down with my blogs, posts and responses. My new doc had both hands and wrists X-rays. One shows severe damage and arthritis. 6 out of 8 bones have been broken or dislocated. Multiple surgeries and very limited movement now. Yes, constant pain which is worse now because of extreme pain in the other hand. So now I'm using my severely damaged hand because I can't use the other and now that both are killing me. Guess I shouldn't complain. It could be worse. I could be suffering from FTD, cancer, heart disease or flufferfoot. All diseases whose asses I've kicked in the last couple of years. Guess this is the part where I should be throwing a pity party. Tough times, eh. Two years ago I was out of the hospital after my cancer operation, alone like now and doing the wash in the basement of my NYC apartment building. My catheter was ripping my penile skin and it was bleeding. I'll take the hand pain. Hey, I'm patient, caregiver to myself and tireless awareness advocate asshole. So do I deserve a party or some common sense? I'll take the common sense. Have an appointment with an orthopedic doc this afternoon to figure out what to do. In the meantime painkillers are giving me some relief.
The whole sneaker incident bothers me. Shows me I'm off kilter. I know it, but who likes to face it. How many sneaker incidents are there? I've no idea. Comes with the territory of having a disease that effects your judgment. I know my judgement is off, but I'm doing the best I can and will continue to do so. My main motivation behind going to docs is because I'm in so much pain typing. Typing is my life and I've a book to complete and a movie to make. BTW - Just filled up another memory card for the FTD documentary, "Howard's Brain". Can't hold the camera because of my hands, but have been using a tripod.