100,000 Visitors

*10/10 - At the Forbes Health Conference in NYC today the Chancellor of UCSF just brought up FTD. Unfortunately she used FTD as an example of a disease not far along in research.

I've reached a major millstone of passing 100,000 visits to this Blog. That's a lot of FTD awareness. Thank you for your patronage.

Yes, I am proud and went out to celebrate. Went to my favorite place Stax to watch part of the ballgame and have $3 Happy Hour wings. They had a different game on the so I went out for a walk. When I got back Happy Hour was over. Of course, the price of wings went up so I couldn't order them. They gave me the regular menu. Might as well of had it stamped, "FTD'ers need not open". Of course I couldn't decide what to eat and left shortly after finishing my diet coke. Watched the game at home. Water and air for dinner. Hey, it's healthy. I really don't give a damn about being hungry anymore. Have plenty of my walrus (NY Pizza) blubber to keep me going. My weight is dropping quickly and I feel healthy.

I arrived here from New York totally driven by the need to make it and succeed. Failure was not an option. Failure meant Assisted Living or a long walk out into the desert. The move was a disaster. Most of my furniture and belongings wound up strewn out on the NYC sidewalks. All the boxes opened with me trying to decide which shoes to throw out in the street. Many things left behind were stolen. Some got sold while I was there. Most of my things in the end were thrown out. The people that bought things never sent me the checks they were going to. Uhaul was responsible for much of the disaster and a good FTD'er friend Darla really did an incredible job of getting me my things which were late and opening a case with there insurance company. I thanked her profusely and dropped it. Time to move on. What's done is done. Had to get my life together.

I then proceeded to apply for an Arizona Drivers License. Turned into a month of Hell with both Homeland Security and then New York State DMV revoking my license. If you haven't read this, read this.
Drivers License "not eligible"

Through it all I stuck to the mission. What's an FTD'ers mission to success while he can still fight. Routine, routine, routine. Nothing could stop me. 7/7  Seven days a week arrive at 7am at Starbucks.

Every week I was committed to burn out 2-3 good blogs. 

Furniture, fuck furniture. Drivers license, fuck drivers license. Food, fuck food. Medical care for my hand, fuck it and deal with pain. 7/7 routine. Failure is not an option. Setbacks yes, about 5-10 a day. Who cares, fuck it and keep blogging.

7/7 Blog in the morning. Head home around noon for 2-3 hrs. Ding, back to another Starbuck for my $2.11 ice coffee with free refills. More FTD work. Keep going. Everywhere in Old Town Scottsdale has free Wifi. Dinner at Chop Shop salads or Happy Hour appetizers somewhere while working on my laptop. Blog, support groups, emails, filming "Howard's Brain". 7/7 Don't stop. Keep fucking going. Failure is not an option.

Each night arrive home between 8-9pm. 7/7 baby.  Routine, routine and routine.

For the last couple of weeks I've been on the verge of collapse. A breakdown or worse. People noticed. It was visible. Some Sbux buddies started telling me to slow down. I wasn't recognizing people I just met. Not once in a while, but all the time. Started writing paranoid, almost delusional letters to AFTD girl who was starting to get very concerned as well  and the filmmaker Joe Becker, Couldn't stop, didn't know how to. Have been routinely harassed by a sick FTD'er for over 6 months. I've been ignoring it. Not now, lashed out and started posting his demented postings on sites. Almost got thrown out of a support group. Was in a routine that was to much for me with FTD. I knew what was happening. Fuck it, keep going. My life, my choice. My goal was a successful move. To Howard Glick that was successfully getting my core cranked. My core is my Blog. 100k baby, 100k. 7/7 2-3 good blogs. Routine, Routine Routine. Don't fucking stop for anything. Fuck it, keep going.

WHY?

FTD

I'm not out of the house once, just once by 7ish and I may not make it out for weeks.
I don't brush my teeth once in the AM and I might not brush them again.
I don't shower once, who knows when I will.
I don't change my clothes each day, I'll wear the same clothes for weeks or longer.
No food at home on purpose. Get out and stay out of the fucking house 7/7 morning till night.
Starbucks, rest, Starbucks out till 8-9pm. 7/7
Out of the house 7/7 with a smile on my fucking face.

Why? 
Every day is going to be a great fucking day.
Every day I'm going to live with Happiness and Purpose.
Every day I'm going to do my work. 
Every day I'm going to make people aware of FTD.
Every day I'm going to Film.
Every day I'm going to Blog.
Every day I'm going to facilitate the FTD Patient Support Group.
Every day I'm going to return emails & correspondences.
Every fucking day. 7/7
Every fucking day I will meet my goals. I will not fail
Get it.
Routine, routine, routine = work, work, work - There is no stopping. There is no second chance. 
I let that pesky parasite depression into my life and I'm dead. Depression is not a fucking option.
Failure is not a fucking option. 
I will not fail.
I will never give up.
I will never just survive, I will flourish.
FTD can hang out, but Howard Rules!

I'm Aware That I'm Not Aware 

I've reached 100,000 people on my Blog.

I'm settled into my apartment

I have an Arizona Drivers License

I've lost about 30 pounds

No friends, but I know some people

My move was a success. 

I'm on the verge of collapse and switching routines.

I'm going to be slowly down and writing less blogs.

I'm Aware That I'm Not Aware 

I'm going to be switching gears and continue the book I started. "I'm Aware That I'm Not Aware"  will be about living life with Frontotemporal Dementia. This book will not just be about Howard Glick, but every sufferer and caregiver in the devastating FTD world.

6+ years of misdiagnosis led me to a suicide attempt, 4 days in a coma, 7 weeks in NY Hospital Payne Whitney Psych ward. That was rock bottom and I lost everything a man can lose.

Does anybody doubt my resolve in finishing, I'm Aware That I'm Not Aware?

Thank you to those that have sent me letters, gift cards, cash etc. They are deeply appreciated. For those that want to help there is a yellow donation button on top of the page or my address below with gift cards, cash. Letters with FTD questions are fine:

Howard Glick

7791 East Osborn Rd. apt. 170E

Scottsdale, AZ 85251

Living med free and doctor free in Arizona

* I run a private FTD Patient Support Group on Facebook. It is open to those with a firm FTD diagnosis. The support group is a place where those with FTD can gather in a positive environment and realize there not alone. It's also a source of accurate information which is rare in the quick changing world of FTD. The director of AFTD, Sharon Denny is a permanent guest member. AFTD has been kind enough to open up there medical board to answer member questions. Please email me at howardglickftd@gmail.com to join.

Howard