I've reached a major millstone of passing 100,000 visits to this Blog. That's a lot of FTD awareness. Thank you for your patronage.
Drivers License "not eligible"
Every week I was committed to burn out 2-3 good blogs.
Furniture, fuck furniture. Drivers license, fuck drivers license. Food, fuck food. Medical care for my hand, fuck it and deal with pain. 7/7 routine. Failure is not an option. Setbacks yes, about 5-10 a day. Who cares, fuck it and keep blogging.
7/7 Blog in the morning. Head home around noon for 2-3 hrs. Ding, back to another Starbuck for my $2.11 ice coffee with free refills. More FTD work. Keep going. Everywhere in Old Town Scottsdale has free Wifi. Dinner at Chop Shop salads or Happy Hour appetizers somewhere while working on my laptop. Blog, support groups, emails, filming "Howard's Brain". 7/7 Don't stop. Keep fucking going. Failure is not an option.
Each night arrive home between 8-9pm. 7/7 baby. Routine, routine and routine.
For the last couple of weeks I've been on the verge of collapse. A breakdown or worse. People noticed. It was visible. Some Sbux buddies started telling me to slow down. I wasn't recognizing people I just met. Not once in a while, but all the time. Started writing paranoid, almost delusional letters to AFTD girl who was starting to get very concerned as well and the filmmaker Joe Becker, Couldn't stop, didn't know how to. Have been routinely harassed by a sick FTD'er for over 6 months. I've been ignoring it. Not now, lashed out and started posting his demented postings on sites. Almost got thrown out of a support group. Was in a routine that was to much for me with FTD. I knew what was happening. Fuck it, keep going. My life, my choice. My goal was a successful move. To Howard Glick that was successfully getting my core cranked. My core is my Blog. 100k baby, 100k. 7/7 2-3 good blogs. Routine, Routine Routine. Don't fucking stop for anything. Fuck it, keep going.
I don't brush my teeth once in the AM and I might not brush them again.
I don't shower once, who knows when I will.
I don't change my clothes each day, I'll wear the same clothes for weeks or longer.
No food at home on purpose. Get out and stay out of the fucking house 7/7 morning till night.
Starbucks, rest, Starbucks out till 8-9pm. 7/7
Out of the house 7/7 with a smile on my fucking face.
Every day is going to be a great fucking day.
Every day I'm going to live with Happiness and Purpose.
Every day I'm going to do my work.
Every day I'm going to make people aware of FTD.
Every day I'm going to Film.
Every day I'm going to Blog.
Every day I'm going to facilitate the FTD Patient Support Group.
Every day I'm going to return emails & correspondences.
Every fucking day. 7/7
Every fucking day I will meet my goals. I will not fail
Routine, routine, routine = work, work, work - There is no stopping. There is no second chance.
I let that pesky parasite depression into my life and I'm dead. Depression is not a fucking option.
Failure is not a fucking option.
I will not fail.
I will never give up.
I will never just survive, I will flourish.
FTD can hang out, but Howard Rules!
6+ years of misdiagnosis led me to a suicide attempt, 4 days in a coma, 7 weeks in NY Hospital Payne Whitney Psych ward. That was rock bottom and I lost everything a man can lose.
Does anybody doubt my resolve in finishing, I'm Aware That I'm Not Aware?