|(Click) Hope runner|
Then comes the epiphany, why don't I go back to work. One day you proudly you state to family or friends I'm returning to work. Every one of us do it. You get the look. I'm sitting here right now feeling it. I said that to my girlfriend last year. Received a worried and concerned look. Are you out of your fucking mind. You stand silently realizing I feel perfectly fine, yet so fucked up. You can't even do the application. I can never work again. Yet I feel healthy. What happened? FTD. You continue to withdraw into your silent death space.Your family tries to help and show love, but your resentment for having your death space intruded upon makes you act out in unimaginable ways. You don't even recognize yourself and your actions. You withdraw silently. Your scared to communicate. Your in the car with loved ones and silent. Your a living ball of tension. One word said and you lash out. You know your thinking isn't straight. Sometimes you don't understand what's being said around you. Someone says, "your best friends daughters birthday party is cancelled because her boyfriends father died". Silently you sit not having a fucking clue of what was said. Silently you sit for fear of being found out. Silently you sit because you know your slowly losing your mind. Your alone and no one gets it. You go to a restaurant. You hear every conversation and noise around you at once. Your on edge and lash out at the first misstatement. Your friends or family take you out quickly. They understand, but stress and resentment grow. There life has also changed and is ruined. Medical bills come in. Time to sell the house and downgrade everyone's life. What happened, FTD. Headaches, tremors, speech impediments. Your alone and no one gets it. Words flow from your loved ones lips, daycare and assisted living. But I'm in my 40's or 50's. What's happening to me. Your alone and no one gets it. FTD is a one way trip. Unstoppable, untreatable and incurable. A one way trip with no return. Depressing isn't it.
Though I live a life with a diminishing mind. I will fear no evil and continue to do my best to keep up and evolve with technology and techniques to help give the best support possible. You fail a few times and then the light bulb is created by accident.